i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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