Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
