Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
there was a trapeze. enough said
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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