the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
