I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
