so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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