My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
