So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
God, I missed his penis.
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