just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
