could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
