girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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