i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
