i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
