I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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