Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I wish you could order shots online.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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