i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
