I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
