is your mom at the bar?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
