drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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