Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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