We won't sleep together?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
