For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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