her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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