I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
