Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
