Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
