I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
