Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize