We won't sleep together?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
