You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
