I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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