i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
