separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
