I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
