I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
