I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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