Cold hands, warm shart.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
