Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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