the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
