don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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