I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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