It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
