K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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