I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
