Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
