How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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