would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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