Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
sarcasm needs its own font
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He shit in the fireplace
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
