When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
