with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
