someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I could fuck to npr.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
