I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
