I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize