it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
