Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
