Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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