Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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