Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Houston, we have a blender
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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