Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
