Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
