He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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