Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
