and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
