Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Randomize
