Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
