Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
