I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i came on her dog
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
